To be or not to be?

"Maybe she never loved me. Maybe.
She's in her own new world of freedom. Just like a teenager. Happy in the bright shiny lights of freedom. Breaking rules. Taking independent decisions.

But in her search for freedom has she forgotten her true feelings?
The feelings of love, friendship? Maybe. She's not understanding whom she loves and whom she likes. Whom she cares for and whom she does not? Does she know. Maybe no. Anything and everything that leads her to the path of freedom has become an integral part of her life." Rohan kept thinking in his head. He had tried hard to understand. Hard to trust the one he loved but somehow he wasn't able to.

Every time her best friend has been the centre of attention. "He likes this. He wants this. He is annoyed, what's wrong with him, " were always her talks even when she was with him.

Maybe he was wrong. He wasn't doubting her. Just that the chemistry, care, attention and love he could see in their eyes was making him think otherwise. Maybe she trusted him to take care of him and her both.

His hands on her shoulders even when they are in a group,  holding hands every now and then,  and doing things which a couple generally does just sort of unnerved him. He was strong and mature enough to understand. He did not mind that.

But was he actually strong enough? Maybe no. He too is emotional. He too wants attention. He too wants somebody to understand and take care of him even though he is independent. Maybe he was already too hurt to be hurt more.  He too is human.

He still chooses to understand and trust and stay there. For him her freedom and her search for her identity is much more important than his own pain. Her smile and satisfaction were more important to him than his emptiness or loneliness or whatever feeling it was which he did not understand.

Was he being selfish in being possessive about her? He didn't want to curb her freedom but he didn't want her attention to be divided from him.
Too much dilemma.

The only solution he saw was to keep his awkward feelings inside and not complicate matters. He was strong enough to bear pain but she couldn't bear the load of loosing her identity and freedom.

Or maybe he was too weak to watch her move away slowly but steadily?
Time will steady things maybe. Or maybe the attention will divide more as she finds new friends. Or new people with better chemistry.

Distance does make the heart grow fonder. That is why he feels whatever he is feeling.
Maybe all he needed was a little more attention. A little more care or maybe a little bit of something he didn't know what. If not anything he just needed a tight hug to put his broken pieces back together.

Readers have told me that the blog has been too guy centric and should be more girl centric too. Sorry to disappoint you but being a guy I'm as alienated to understanding a woman as any other guy.